Although I was deep in sleep from the hours of driving and exhausted from the mental exercise of eating the contents of multiple audio books, something jolted me awake. I couldn’t understand what was happening and why I couldn’t focus. I frantically began to clear my eyes just trying gain some sort of clarity but the harder I tried the less it made sense. I stood up and began to walk towards what should’ve been familiar, only to feel my eyes and brain fail me. My feet and legs felt as if they were being held down by large stumps. I almost fell with every step but I couldn’t let that stop me from escaping this unrecognizable puzzle. I began to panic, afraid I’d been trapped in some sort of 5th dimension where everything was blurry and nothing made sense. As I reached out to open the door, the handle just wouldn’t turn. It was stiff, rigid and refused to let me leave! Will I ever see my kids again? How will Angela cope without me? What would happen to the millions and millions of fans who needed my weekly wisdom? I could feel my heart rate rise as I battled to get out of this deep, dark hole but the harder I tried the more it… The more it… The…more…it resisted.
Ugh.
It was at that moment my eyes begin to adjust to the darkness and my brain began to register the sights and sounds that we’re all around me and all of a sudden I realized – I was trying to open a chair. Yep, I was standing up against a wall trying to open a chair. I’d suffered from a rare, incurable condition called “sleepwalkia”. I’ve battled it my whole life and it even runs in my family. (Remind me to tell you the story of how my brother almost peed in my moms oven.) As a child, I talked and walked in my sleep weekly and my parents would play along for their own joy and pleasure. (Quite disturbing.)
I liken my sleep-walking escapades to those who have found themselves in a circumstance or situation that is unfamiliar. Could be a new job, could be a divorce, could be the birth of a child, could be chaos in your community, catastrophe in your city or something as simple as change in your heart. Change can come in a moment. Unexpected change and challenges can stagger you. I’ve watched many boxing matches and UFC fights that we’re going right along, each competitor trading blows when in a split second, a punch or a kick staggers one of the fighters to the point they lose sight of what’s in front of them. They begin to hobble around the ring desperately trying to regain their bearings and get back in the fight. A place that was familiar has become unfamiliar. A fighter they studied for months has become unfamiliar. And a strategy implemented has now become obsolete. The only thing they want to do is get back on their feet.
Life, at times, can confuse you like a midnight’s sleepwalking stroll and can overwhelm you like a punched-out fighter. Life can turn your swagger into a stagger. I’ve walked into many hotel rooms, living rooms, bedrooms, game rooms and bathrooms without ever feeling like I couldn’t get out. But add in sleep deprivation and a stress filled day into the mix and all of a sudden you’re trying to open a “chair” as you lean again a wall.
What caused your walk to change? You had so much swagger in your marriage. You were moving right along and then, BOOM, chaos enters and now You’re staggering around like a baby giraffe wearing roller skates on ice.
You used to walk around with so much confidence at your job. You rode the ladder to the top passing those who came before you with ease feeling confident in your bright future. But all of a sudden, you walk in to find your department has been shut down, you are unemployed and baby #3 is due any day. What now? Staggered is an understatement.
You raised them right. They were the best behaved kids, always respectful and loved to be loved on. Now their struggling in school, failing classes they used to love and signs point to something even more serious than you care to admit. They changed and you blame you. Completely staggered.
How can you go from stagger to swagger? How do you get your swagger back? Easy: change your perspective. Change the WAY you see WHAT you see. Perspective is everything. You can look at your circumstances and see it for what it is or see it for what it could be. It may be hard now but that’s because your looking at it through staggered legs.
You may not be able to change the situation, redeem the chaos or resurrect the joy but you can see it differently and begin to walk with a swagger. Yep, I said it. Walk with a swagger. Not with cockiness, arrogance and pride, but confidence, humility and intentionality. See what good can come from it not what bad has happened as a result of it. For me, I look to the one who saved me and assured me that he would never leave me or forsake me. In a recent message, Steven Furtick said “God’s presence is unconditional but His promises are optional.” Knowing God is with you (See Joshua 1 for the whole story) isn’t always enough to get you through the tough times. You’ve got to trust that even in the middle of the hell you’re going through, if He said he’d redeem your marriage, supply all your needs and keep your children, that’s exactly what he will do! So although you feel staggered, pick your head up, elevate your faith and begin to see things through God’s eyes and you will regain your footing!
The mindset of a champion is believing you will overcome this, you will get through this and you will be better because of this. This moment of chaos and confusion does not define you it only strengthens you!
So the next time you find yourself sleepwalking in life, remove the fear of the moment, walk with confidence and believe you will come out stronger. And also watch for the chair. It could leave a mark.